There’s a line on my face where a smile once curved.

Heartbreak shows itself in many forms. When you have lived a full life, you know the feeling when it hits you. It’s sudden. You can be completely at peace and content in one moment and then: WHAM! It strikes like a bolt of lighting in the minute you realize that something is not right, askew, dysfunctional. Your heart starts to pound faster and harder; beads of sweat can be felt on your face and scalp; your five million hair follicles all over your body rise up to attention like the soldiers of the Korean People’s Army marching for their leader. Extreme anger ensnared with desolation overcomes your entire being. A convulsive reflex sends a bit of the meal you just ate to the top of your mouth. Trembling fingers can’t quite hold the pen to the paper as you consider a response.

How many of us have walked into a room where you find the person you are in a committed relationship with caught in a moment of orgasmic rapture with another human who is not you. This betrayal is one form of heartbreak.

How many of us have felt the loss of a loved one passing? That Rock of Gibraltar in your life who seemed to calm the waters, make the sun shine, and steady the ship just disappears. This lonely emotional desertion is another form of heartbreak.

How many of us have held someone in such high regard with the kind of respect that is bestowed upon people who do good deeds only to find one day that they are not the person whom you thought they were. They do something so profoundly common that negates the good will that you thought pervaded their entire being. They perform an action that is completely antithetical to the personal motto they showcase to others. This disappointment is another form of heartbreak.

noun: disappointment
  • the feeling of sadness or displeasure caused by the nonfulfillment of one’s hopes or expectations.
  • a person, event, or thing that causes disappointment.
I’ve had too many of these throughout my life and it’s not like I have huge and unclear expectations of others. But I have been a helping type of individual since I was a little girl; a giver who asks not much in return because the positivity one feels inside from giving is worth everything. What often happens is an individual or a group takes advantage of that and you find yourself in the difficult position of needing to withdraw. Then sadness seeps in.

Here is a fascinating article on the science behind heartbreak.


Fall apart_William C Hannan

I will find a way to curve that straight line again. no smile emoti


Be not simply good; be good for something.

— Henry David Thoreau


The great use of life is to spend it for something that outlasts it.

— William James


In a gentle way, you can shake the world.

— Mahatma Gandhi

About danaj33

I have been teaching in the Broadcast Electronic Media Art department at City College of San Francisco since 2001. I started teaching full-time in 2009 and am tenured. My career as an audio engineer spans 32-years since the first day I began to record and mix songs on my Tascam PortaStudio (cassette 4-track) in the early 80's while attending college at UC Berkeley. I formed a couple of bands and sang lead (sometimes playing rhythm guitar) until 1988 when I discovered that the "behind-the-scenes" tech realm was much more to my liking. I love how an audio engineer controls the ENTIRE sound mix, and not just one's own instrument. I then began a career as a live sound engineer in earnest and have toured extensively throughout the U.S. and Europe as front-of-house sound engineer for a multitude of bands on various record labels (most notably "Medicine" on American Recordings) and have been a staff engineer at the venerable Bottom of the Hill nightclub since their inception in 1991 leaving a regular shift there in 2010 due to the teaching schedule. The club and its staff are like family. I owned and operated a live sound production company since 1989 (ending officially in 2017) called dcj Productions that has provided sound to the Bay Area community (mostly in the non-profit sector) in both large outdoor sound events as well as nightclubs and music halls. In 1991, I started recording bands on an 8-track Tascam TSR-8 analog tape recorder and moved into the digital realm in 1993 to 16-tracks of Alesis ADAT connected to a Soundcraft Ghost console in my home studio. In 1995, I advanced to Pro Tools and have been recording exclusively digital ever since, combining audio skills in sound for film as a location recordist as well as an engineer in post-production sound design and mixing. I remained "strictly analog" in my live sound mixing until just this past year (2012). Now that one can obtain a decent, live sound digital mixer at an affordable price, it was high time to check out digital for live. I now have a Presonus StudioLive 16.4.2 to work on with my students to give them much needed hands-on experience with a digital console. I co-owned and ran APG Records & APG Studios, an SF record label and recording studio, from 1999 - 2004 which had a distribution deal through EMI. The company folded in 2004. I continue to record music and engineer live performances at many Bay Area venues in addition to full-time teaching at CCSF. In 2001, I was hired to the part-time faculty at City College of San Francisco in the Broadcast Electronics Media Arts department where I have taught many of the classes including Digital Media Skills (BCST119), Basic Audio Production (BCST120), Digital Audio Production (BCST124), Sound Recording Studio (BCST125), Sound For Visual Media (BCST126), Advanced Sound Recording (BCST127), Sound Reinforcement (BCST128), Audio for the Web (BCST135), Video for the Web (BCST136), and Field Video Production (BCST141). I have also taught classes in sound design, audio for animation and games, music video, and computer applications at Art Institute of California-San Francisco, Globe Recording Institute, and Laney College in Oakland, CA. In addition to teaching, I am a writer. I have several blogs and have written many screenplays since 2007 producing a few of them into short films. In 2020, the craziest year and decade of any of our lives, I am starting a book project titled, "Abra, the Imaginarian." Outside Affiliations: - former Co-Director of SoundGirls - current member of Audio Engineering Society and on the SF Chapter Planning Committee - past Vice President and Interim President Board of Directors - Bay Area Girls Rock Camp - past volunteer/contributor to Women's Audio Mission - past member Bay Area Women in Media and Film - past Board of Directors for Camp Reel Stories
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